Cps Angels 1 Trapped in the Netherworld
by CantankerousPoet
Summary: Sonic and Brendan get clones (and Sonic's is not Shadow). Not as pleasant as you might think


A thick mist fills the air in a neon lit alleyway. A man in a clown suit walks out, staring at the ground, with his hands held behind his back, appearing to be deep in thought. His big, red shoes squeek as he walks. His name tag is on upside down. He looks up at the camera to reveal a sinister vigil, which is heavily cotrasted by his rainbow afro, and face-paint. He walks to the camera, opens his mouth to say something. About this time he trips and falls face-down to the ground.  
  
Clown: *bip**bip* mother--  
  
CP's Angels -----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Strobe lights break the darkness, as techno-pop remixes of annoying french rap songs fill the void of silence. An extremely over weight man in a pixie suit floats out with about ten ropes tied to him (clearly visible). He appears to be the only person present at this event. The "pixie" starts to move his body to the rhythym. He proceeds to jiggle (eww).  
This nonsense stops and a very hip looking dude pops onto screen looking awesome, with a handsome grin that shines with divinity. The camera zooms out to reveal that he is wearing Maximo (tm) brand boxer shorts and nothing else, but he still looks cooler than hell.  
  
CantankerousPoet: Aloha, readers! Welcome to CP's Angels #1. This is my first fanfic, but don't let that tell you that it's going to suck! (mundane,fake applause machine, like on Scooby Doo when someone does something dumb)  
  
CP (smiling widely as that was not supposed to be funny): Okay! Well, today's story tells of tragedy, love, alterity, the over-used cliche of clones, and-- (audience laughter)  
  
CP (smiling, eye twitches as he has just been interrupted by a non-existant audience): Well... as I was saying-- (laughter)  
  
CP (looks comfortably PO'ed (?)): Who's doing th-- (laughter)  
  
CP (barely opens mouth): (long laughter which sustains itself for at least thirty seconds)  
  
Familiar Voice (far off in the distance): Mufufufufu!  
  
CP (wets pants): OH NO! NOT Y--  
  
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The scene is Hoenn. Brendan is sitting up in his room playing his PS2 (that's right, no typo).  
  
Brendan: Sony is truly superior to Nintendo! No wonder they got MegaMan X7, instead of that NT cop-out! (big anime smile)  
  
May walks up into the room, holding a bucket(?). She stares deeply into it.  
  
Brendan: Hiya, May! I am the lost test tube baby of Miss Cleo! Shigeru Miyamoto is the antichrist! (big anime smile)  
  
May (looks up and starts to speak in a deep, apocolyptic-demon-voice): Stifle, impotent mortal! I am god of all Hades! You will suffer in the barren wasteland of Gehenna for all of eternity! Fufufu!!  
  
Brendan (not fazed): Wow! I just had an epiphany! Sonic could beat the holy hell out of Mario! (big anime smile)  
  
May holds out the bucket. Brendan "whites out".  
  
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The scene is that pool at the entrance of Emerald Coast (like in SA1). Sonic is sitting on one of those chairs that you lay down on (can't think of the name).  
  
Sonic: I am soooooo cool! I mean my hairstyle is finally "in" again, my tennis shoes have grind plates, and I have a sidekick who builds stuff for my to render useless with the aid of a telephone poll. Mario wishes he was as good as me. I rock!  
  
Tails comes out of those sliding glass doors. His "I wanna fly" music comes on.  
  
Sonic (looks up into the air): What the hell? Where does that music come from? (immerses self in thought)  
  
Tails (happy, as always): Hey Sonic! I'm depressed...  
  
Sonic (dumbfounded by his ignoramous logic, gives up and looks sypathetic): Aww, what is it little buddy?  
  
One of those little manga/anime lines (the ones that only show the character's eyes) come across the screen showing Tails's eyes, looking like he's had it.  
  
Tails (PO'ed): Did you just call me "little buddy" AGAIN!?  
  
Sonic (suddenly worried, looking like a scared puppy about to get it): Um.... no.... of course not! Don't turn all evil like you did last time, okay?  
  
Tails (snapping out of it): Oh, hi Sonic! How's it going?  
  
Sonic (eyebrow raised, if he had an eyebrow, that is): What the hell?  
  
Tails (giddy anime smile): Please don't use obscene language around me please!  
  
Sonic (shrugs): Okay. Ya see, I was just sitting here in this chair that you lay down on--  
  
Tails: What are those called?  
  
Sonic: Meh, hel- I mean HECK- if I know. Anyway, I was just sitting there thinking of how worthlless Nintendo really is, ya know?  
  
A bucket appears in Tails's hand. Tails shifts to Super Tails (little birds and all).  
  
Tails (deep, apocolyptic-demon-voice): You must renumerate for your wrongdoings, patsy-pideon fool!  
  
The bucket is held out and Sonic "whites out".  
  
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This is the Netherworld. All here is miserable and prosaically miserable. Yep, that's two kinds of miserable. Trust me, the Netherworld sucks.  
Brendan wakes up to see a guy who looks exactly the same as Brendan but with black hair. He's also wearing the same kind of outfit but it's green and white. He is staring at Brendan disdainfully.  
  
Brendan (sitting up): Who the hell are you? (big anime smile)  
  
New guy (pubescently disturbing voice): I'm Brandon!  
  
Brendan (eyes widening): You have the most annoying voice I have ever heard! Please never speak again or I'll have to sick my pecker on you! (big anime smile)  
  
Brandon (voice suddenly shifts to a velvet, deep voice): How's this?  
  
Brendan (nod): ... Better. Hey, how did I get here? (smile fades to a worried look, as he notices the wasteland around him)  
  
Brandon (back to pubey voice): I don't know! I wish I knew! Nintendo rocks! (big anime smile)  
  
Brendan (twitching, losing his giddy anime personality): Holy God in Heaven! What did you just say?  
  
Brandon (smiling stupidly): NINTENDO ROCKS!!  
  
Brendan (angry): Okay, get your balls ready! Go, Pecker!!  
  
A little torchic comes out of a pokeball Brendan just whips out of nowhere.  
  
Brandon (worried): I don't know, that looks pretty tough! I can do it though! My friend will come through for me! Because we're friends! Go, Captain Doodie!!  
  
A HUGE swampert comes out of the custom pokeball brandon has.  
  
Pecker (malnourished and sickly): Tor-*cough*-chic  
  
Brendan (battle voice): Pecker! Use fire blast!  
  
Pecker does not know fire blast. Brendan is an incompetent moron. Torchic just sits there and falls over sideways, as it is ill. Oh, and Brendan can't train worth beans, either.  
  
Brandon (pubey battle voice): Captain Doodie! Don't kill the thing!  
  
Capt. Doodie (sounding mean and almighty): SWAMP!!  
  
Captain Doodie spits on Pecker. Pecker twitches and faints.  
  
Brendan (really mad, has totally lost his giddiness): Ya dumb *bip*! I knew I couldn't count on you! *bippety**bip**beep**bip* pancake! (kicks Pecker as hard as he can)  
  
Brandon (breathing a sigh of relief): Captain Doodie, RETURN! Wow, that was really close! I'm glad that you came through, take a good rest, buddy! (wipes sweat from forehead)  
  
A spiney, orange rodent thingey in running around so fast you can even see him. Sonic is close behind him, very annoyed and about to stomp some face. The orange thing is hit in the face by a red chicken baby thing.  
  
Orange guy (peeling chicken off of face): Ow! What's this thing? It looks radical and gnarly, dog!  
  
Sonic (landing, foot-first on the back of the orange thing's head): DIE! You are a pathetic excuse for a rodent! (jumps up and down)  
  
A muffled mix of sounds comes from the orange thing's head.  
  
Sonic (panting): Whew! THAT is the MOST annoying piece of *bip* I have ever met in my life! I have no idea how I got here, or who anyone is! (looks at Captain Doodie, Brandon, Brendan, and the chicken that Brendan is beating bloody (Pecker)) Now I've seen everything.  
  
The orange thing throws Sonic off of his head and stands up, totally impervious to what has just happened.  
  
Orange guy (waving with a Sonic-esque grin): I'm Photo the Groundhog!  
  
Sonic (busts out laughing): Wait... you're name's "PHOTO"?!  
  
Photo (smile): YEEEeeeeAAAAAhhh! (increasing and decreasing his tone and volume as he talks)  
  
Sonic (looking at Photo like he's a retard): .... What the hell was that?  
  
Brandon (looks at Photo): Wow! You are NEAT!!  
  
Photo (wide-eyed, mouth open): So are yooooOOOOOuuuuUUUU!  
  
The view peels back to show Brandon and Photo running towards each other in slow motion, as soap opera music plays in the background. Suddenly, a familiar man with long, white hair appears on the ground in front of Photo. He is wearing a dark suit and has a black wing on his right shoulder. His sword is ungodly long, and he is unconcious. Can you guess who this is? Anyway, Photo dodges him with ease. Him and Brandon start to spin in circles, hugging each other.  
  
Photo (smiling and laughing very cornily): I adore yooooOOOOooouuuuUUU, little boy whooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooo I don't know the name of!  
  
Brandon (wait for it... pubey voice): You are a dream come true!  
  
Sonic has totally lost it now.  
  
Sonic (disguisted): *bip**BIP**bip* flapjack!  
  
Brendan (chokes the lifeless torchic, is now shedding tears of agony and yelling): I THOUGHT THAT I COULD COUNT ON YOU! YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF POULTRY, LIKE FALCO, BECAUSE NINTENDO SUCKS!! (spikes the torchic, which is NOT alive anymore)  
  
The man that appeared out of nowhere now wakes up. He floats off of the ground and lands on his feet. He sees a orange groundhog and young boy hugging and spinning in circles. A blue hedgehog who is screaming a continuous stream of obscenities, and another boy beating a dead chicken baby thing.  
  
New guy (confused as hell): Now I've seen everything.  
  
Everybody stops what they're doing and gathers around the strange man.  
  
Brandon (pubey voice): Why are you wearing a dress?!  
  
Uh-oh. What a maroon. I think he's gonna get it bad, because for some reason, this guys looks like no pushover.  
  
New guy (cue "One-Winged Angel"): THIS IS NOT A DRESS! You will pay dearly, young fool.  
  
Sonic (looking up in the air): Ho-lee CHIT! Where is this music coming from!? (freezes) Wait, I know this music! OH DAAA-  
  
New guy (hand extended): Ultima!  
  
Kaboom! The world around everyone is enveloped in black and streaks of breen everywhere. Now let's say it together... Ka-BOOM! When all of the darkness peels away, no one is there.  
  
New guy (music fades): Huh? Where'd they go!?  
  
Sonic (sounds like Busta Rhymes in that Halloween movie): Behind you, mutha *bip*! (homing attack to the back of the man's head)  
  
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The man wakes up (that's twice now). Brandon and Photo are eating s'mores around a campfire. Brendan and Sonic are miserable and are ranting about how much Nintendo sucks. It is night.  
  
Brandon (I think by now you get that he has a perpetually pubey voice, so no more will be said about it, it's just there): Can I have S'MORE! FUFUFUFUFU!  
  
Sonic (jumping up and starts to trudge toward the two): THAT IS A *bip* PINHEADED WAY OF LAUGHING! *BIP**BIP**BIP* griddlecake! (falls to knees and looks to the sky and starts to weep) What did I ever do to you!?  
  
New guy (does the whole float-to-his-feet trick): I am Sephiroth.  
  
Brendan (suddenly scared): Oh god! Go, Pecker! Use safeguard! (cringes)  
  
Brendan throws a pokeball. A dead torchic comes out, with little x's on its eyes, and it's tongue hanging out. Okay, torchic is dead, and cannot learn safeguard. Yep, Brendan definitely rides the short busses. Everyone else remains calm.  
  
Sephiroth (unconcerned and indifferent): How did you avoid Ultima earlier?  
  
Photo (get ready for this): With PEACE POWER! YEEEEEeeeeeeeAAAAAAAh!  
  
Sonic (low, mumbling voice): You just get more *bip*'ed up by the second don't you?  
  
Sephiroth (nodding): I see.  
  
Sonic (a "what the hell" look on his face): You see?! (calm and sarcastic) Please explain.  
  
Sephiroth: Alright.  
  
Everyone gathers around Sephiroth. Sephiroth proceeds to explain everything possible to them. Brendan finally puts his dead pecker away, and acts a little more calm.  
  
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Sonic (criticism and disbelief are in his voice): Okay, so "peace power" is when a groundhog who can run at light speed, this dumb*bip* (points to Photo, who is making a face like Pinky off of Pinky and the Brain), uses the power of the "peace diamonds" to do... um... stuff?  
  
Sephiroth (is acting like the sensei off of "karate kid"): Yes, grasshopper.  
  
Sonic (coughing) *cough* RIP-OFF *cough*  
  
Brendan (amazed): And we are in a realm ruled over by an evil demon-prince, who has made ultra-annoying super-clones to make us kill ourselves!?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, grasshopper.  
  
Brandon (for some reason, not sounding stupid or pubey): And the reason for all of this is because of the "wario bucket", which makes super clones out of game sprites?  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, worthless cockroach.  
  
Photo (stupid, as always): And McDonald's hamburgers are not made of real meat? NooooooOOOOOOOoooo waaaaaaAAAAAy!  
  
Sephiroth (music playing faintly): Please shut up before I have to incinerate you in a ball of flaming inferno.  
  
Photo: OK! (big anime smile)  
  
Sonic: Don't kill him. As annoying as he could be, he might have some kind of an important role in this story somehow, someway.  
  
Sephiroth (calming down): Very insightful, young blue bushpig.  
  
Sonic (anime vein thingey on forehead): It's hedgehog!  
  
Sephiroth: My bad.  
  
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Oooh, suspense is a biotch, huh? Meh. Oh yeah...  
How will they ever escape this dark dimension of pure evil?  
Why the hell does Sephiroth know so much?  
Who is this evil demon-prince Sephiroth speaks of?  
Is Brendan a prophet? (?)  
Find out in the next issue of "CP's Angels"  
  
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(CantankerousPoet is no longer available, due to the fact that something mysterious and evil, that laughs funny is holding him hostage. Just make sure you watch out for CP's Angels #2, hokey-dokey smokey?) 


End file.
